Love, what is it?
Love, what is it?
It’s awesome! How to live without being loved? And without loving? But beware of the knock. The reflection is not the light; the mirror is not the face. The woman of my life is not the woman of a moment. To be content with little in love is not to know love.
Among many ways to love, there is friendship, the love of parents for their children, the love of dedication — the exclusive love of a woman and a man who unite through marriage.
To find the truth of the love between a man and a woman, first question: what in him, in her, exerts on me this attraction?
• Is it the utility or the services it can give me?
• Is it the pleasure (whatever it is) that I feel with him or that we can share?
• Is it the feelings I feel towards him?
A relation thus founded, one feels it thoroughly, would be imperfect: the other tends to be reduced to an object. It is a way for me. Paradoxically, it’s actually to me that I’m shot …
To love is to love each other for himself. Deep love is first to be attracted to the other in such a way that I desire his happiness. I do not just love him for what he can bring me, but I love him first because he is he (or she). Even more so, in such a relationship, both people will be likely to experience feelings, pleasure, or interactive service. But the foundation of the relationship is the person himself, beyond his apparent qualities or flaws.
To love, therefore, implies on my part a free choice: it is to decide to love the other, to turn freely and firmly towards him. One can not truly love without some gift of our freedom to the other. This decision implies being reciprocal because it is the condition of the relationship. So to seek the happiness of the one who loves me is to contribute to my satisfaction. Such is love, mutual gift, and free.
Of course, this is not always easy. We are all subject to changes of mood, to the routine of daily life, to the hardships that may come, to our egoism too. Love is fragile … Will I still love it in twenty years? Am I able to support this or that of his faults? Is love possible for life? In the test, the disease?
If our relationship is rooted in a free and reciprocal decision, it can grow. Because love is not given once and for all, let us beware of the “love at first sight,” which, even if it is exhilarating, is ultimately only a powerful emotion that does not necessarily show a deep love.
If love is a personal relationship, then it is built and deepened with time and in a living trust for each other. This is maintained, is renewed day by day through gestures and attitudes that show the other the privileged place it occupies in our lives. And the events, the trials or the shared joys can thus contribute to greater and greater intimacy, insofar as, beyond the difficulties, we turn towards each other.
Love is not a pure fusion of two people, but a mutual gift of two free beings with all that they are: body, heart, and spirit, as well as that very precious good that is our life. The logic of love is to aspire to an ultimate gift. Only a mutual decision and for experience allows human love to reach a certain absolute and is likely to fill our hearts.
For the Christian, the source and model of all love our God. He is love beyond all love, successful or unhappy. He loves us before we love him, and he still loves us when we are no longer loved. Is not it the ultimate good we are looking for?